You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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