i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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