First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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