I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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