So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
