I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
