He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
