I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
