Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
