I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
