I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
