Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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