Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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