I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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