why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
