You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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