so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
