You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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