Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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