Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
