What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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