I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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