You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
