can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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