Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
