Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize