im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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