good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
