actually, I'm a sock model
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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