Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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