It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
