I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
