you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
