big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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