Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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