It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
