You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I color on your dick again?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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