We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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