if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
