Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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