Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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