So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
