Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
