worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
