he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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