I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
