i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wanna go halves on a baby?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
