Swine flu. Run for my life!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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