I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
