Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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