his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
