it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
