wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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