Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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