Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
