Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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