I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
